Deprecatio imperatori: a prayer for the new year

by David Jason Snow

Latin translation by Quintus, The Latin Translator

In general English usage, the infinitive "to deprecate" means to express disapproval of something. It derives from the Latin verb deprecare, meaning to ward off disaster by prayer. -- Wikipedia

Brevibus et mollibus digitis
merdae cultor, cui labia musculo sphincteri similia sunt,
truncum spurcitia unguit
quam a fonte solii aurato labro ornati decerpsit,
Narcissus ventriosus
odore viscerum inebriatus.
Subsidit ut imaginem tremulam osculetur,
et, aquis suis gustatis,
necessitate ineluctabili opprimitur,
Dum faeces suas impotenter lambit,
Sed frustra:
haec sitis exstingui non potest,
haec fames satiari non potest.

O homo inepte, foede, ferrugineus,
Somniorum taetrorum creator,
Cui oculi muris,
Lingua serpentis,
Tui fututor mordax,
Tibi imperamus
Ut temet ipsum totum haurias
sicut Ouroboros,
et in aeternum
esse desinas.

Deprecation to the commander-in-chief

With short, unmanly fingers,
the sphincter-lipped worshipper of excrement
anoints his torso with filth
plucked from the font of his
gold-rimmed throne,
a slack-paunched Narcissus
drunk on the perfume of his bowels.
He squats to kiss the rippling reflection,
and, tasting his waters,
is overcome with unslakable need,
lapping furiously at his pollution,
but to no avail:
this thirst cannot be quenched,
this hunger cannot be sated.

O loathesome, ocherous vulgarian,
weaver of noxious fantasy,
bilious self-copulator,
we command you:
swallow yourself whole
like Ouroboros,
and for eternity,
be no more.